I'm not feeling so great this evening (despite doing my taxes and finding out we are getting a good refund), so I doubt I will feel up to a whole lot of humor.
So tonight is Dolly Parton night. How disappointing. We have the chance for them to select from a wide range of Country songs (see my post from a few days ago), and instead they are now forced to sing from a limited selection of old songs. I'm all about capitalism, and I understand that we are trying to support Dolly's new album here, but come on! I hope that I'll be pleasantly surprised. I'm not holding my breath.
1 Brooke White:
So we start with Brooke in the deathly #1 slot today. It is hard to be here and get plenty of votes unless you really have a memorable performance. Did Dolly just say, "you must be gonna doin' some pickin'?" Did Brooke just say that Dolly is "huge?" The funny thing is, I don't think she caught her own innuendo. Gotta love those Mormon roots. Brooke is singing "Jolene". Here we go. Before we have her on the piano, now on the guitar. This is one talented woman. She sounds kind of out of breath in this performance. I sure don't like the song very much, but I expected that. All-in-all a good performance, but it is largely typical Brooke. Nothing really special about it tonight other than being a good Brooke performance. Kerry: "it was a rocky beginning, but then it got better." Randy: it was alright (as in a compliment). Paula: blah blah blah emotional connection blah blah blah you are Brooke White blah blah blah. Simon: you were lacking emotion. You didn't look good together. Braden: Since when did this become American Group?? I love Brooke. Braden's rating: 7.5/10 Kerry: 6.5/10
2 David Cook:
David comes across as fake to me. Dolly has lots of compliments for him, though. David is singing "Little Sparrow". Here we go. Starts out with an awkward note that he doesn't quite hit right. I can't understand the words that he is saying. I am getting the feeling that this is a song I will like more the second time around. Wow! The audience hand-waving thing is actually synchronized. What was that awkward note at the end on his guitar? Kerry: "His hair actually looks good. I loved the song except for a few notes." Randy: hot, consistent performance. Paula: blah blah blah haircut blah blah blah. Simon: If you can make a song about Sparrows good..... Braden's rating: 6/10. Kerry: 8/10.
3 Ramiele Malubay:
Dolly has good things to say about Ramiele. She is singing "Do I Ever Cross Your Mind". Here we go. Starting off very boring-ish. What is this squatting thing that she calls dancing? She is getting better as she goes, but still seems off a little. Did she just say "another place in dime?" I'm wondering as I listen if she is off or if the backup singers are off or if in some strange alternate universe that is the way the song is supposed to go. Kerry: "When you have backup singers you have to overpower them or you are just singing along with them, and she didn't really stand out from the backup singers." Randy: Ramiele must be relieved - Randy's not mad at her. Paula: blah blah blah air punch blah blah blah. Simon: "We're not going to remember this in 10 years, are we?" Cruise ship. Ramiele: pout pout pout. Braden's rating: 5/10 Kerry: 5/10
4 Jason Castro:
"I would dread to have to do those locks." HA HA HA... Jason is singing "Travelin' Thru". Here we go. I like the beginning. Did he just say "I'm a piece of spit?" There he goes again with his P's and his H's right in the mic. Just when I was starting to like him. All-in-all a reasonable performance. Kerry: "Pretty good. It looked like he was trying harder." Randy: started rough (?!?!?!) but got better. Paula: blah blah blah please pass the vodka blah blah blah. Simon: didn't like it at all. Didn't get it. Braden's rating: 6.5/10 Kerry: 7/10.
5 Carly Smithson:
My Mommy taught me that if I don't have anything nice to say, I shouldn't say anything at all. Carly is singing "Here You Come Again". Here we go again. She kind of has a Brooke edge to her voice tonight. It is actually not that bad so far. Until she came to the fake powernote with "senses". Now we are most of the way through the song, and I'm falling asleep. Booooooring! Kerry: "I liked the verses, especially the first verse when she was calm and more quiet, but I don't like her when she tries to put power in it." Now for the judges, who for some inexplicable reason are in love with her. Randy: "one of the better performances of the night" Paula: blah blah blah beat up Randy blah blah blah. Simon: Good, not great. Have a word with whoever is dressing you. Braden: THANK YOU SIMON!!!!!!! Kerry: That needed to be said. Then comes the team-up-on-Simon moment. Simon defends himself quite nicely and Paula feels personal injury that Simon is being truthful. Braden's rating: 5/10 Kerry: 6/10.
6 David Archuleta: Based on the few notes that he sings in front of Dolly this will be a good one. Dolly: I'm wearing false eyelashes... that's not all that's false about my face." David is singing "Smoky Mountain Memories". Here we go. David starts out doing his intense stare of death into the camera. Solid performance. Kerry: "Wow, he can sing." Randy: never mind Carly, you suck. David was the best performance of the night. Paula: blah blah blah aura blah blah blah. Simon: "on the money" Braden's rating: 8/10 Kerry: 8/10.
7 Kristy Lee Cook: Let's pause for a little beauty contest... okay, that didn't take long. Kristy wins. Kristy: "screw you, Mom." She is singing "Coat of Many Colors". Here we go. She is spending more time with her eyes closed than open. Not bad, though. Pretty good, in fact. Vote for the worst keeps saying how bad she is, but when she sings like this I have to very much disagree. Once more, she is making the case for Ramiele being sent home. Kerry: "it was okay, but I don't think it did her any favors." It sounded too country. Randy: something about a wheelhouse. Paula: blah blah blah your best performance blah blah blah. Simon: last week was your best. This week was pleasant but forgetable. Braden's rating: 7/10. Kerry: 5.5/10.
8 Syesha Mercado:
Dolly: "and of course what Whitney Houston added to it" In other words, she is singing the Whitney version. Syesha is singing "I Will Always Love You". Here we go. Is she really sitting on the piano? Weird. This one is not starting so good. She has a big voice but where is it. Not she is into the meat of the song but is not taking it anywhere. Okay, now it is getting better. How long can she possibly hold that note? There is holding a note for a long time and then there is holding a note for a gratuitously long time. This was gratuitous. With such a short song, though, she needed to get into it more quickly and let us enjoy the emotion of it. Kerry: "she's got a great voice." Randy: pretty good. Paula: blah blah blah let's talk about... blah blah blah. Simon: I'm going to spend too much time comparing you to Whitney instead of just rating how you sing. Braden's rating: 7/10 Kerry: 7.5/10
9 Michael Johns:
Michael does not sound good singing to Dolly. Yeah right, Dolly is going to write songs for him. Michael is singing "It's All Wrong, But It's All Right". Here we go. It doesn't sound any better on stage than it did in the sound studio. He sounds pained singing this. I think it is sad that he is being out-performed by the guitar. I'm hurting for him with this song. Kerry: "I really liked that." Randy: blazing hot. Paula: blah blah blah you look gorgeous, have my babies blah blah blah. Simon: the best I've heard you. Braden: wow, everyone else seemed to like it. Maybe I'll enjoy it more the second go around.
Braden's rating: 5.5/10 Kerry: 8/10
So now to put those in order (average Braden and Kerry score):
David A: 8
Syesha: 7.25
Brooke: 7
David C: 7
Michael: 6.75
Jason: 6.75
Kristy Lee: 6.25
Carly: 5.5
Ramiele: 5
Finally, predictions for the bottom 3:
Braden: Ramiele, Kristy, and Carly. Ramiele goes home.
Kerry: Ramiele, Kristy, and Carly. Kristy goes home.
So tonight is Dolly Parton night. How disappointing. We have the chance for them to select from a wide range of Country songs (see my post from a few days ago), and instead they are now forced to sing from a limited selection of old songs. I'm all about capitalism, and I understand that we are trying to support Dolly's new album here, but come on! I hope that I'll be pleasantly surprised. I'm not holding my breath.
1 Brooke White:
So we start with Brooke in the deathly #1 slot today. It is hard to be here and get plenty of votes unless you really have a memorable performance. Did Dolly just say, "you must be gonna doin' some pickin'?" Did Brooke just say that Dolly is "huge?" The funny thing is, I don't think she caught her own innuendo. Gotta love those Mormon roots. Brooke is singing "Jolene". Here we go. Before we have her on the piano, now on the guitar. This is one talented woman. She sounds kind of out of breath in this performance. I sure don't like the song very much, but I expected that. All-in-all a good performance, but it is largely typical Brooke. Nothing really special about it tonight other than being a good Brooke performance. Kerry: "it was a rocky beginning, but then it got better." Randy: it was alright (as in a compliment). Paula: blah blah blah emotional connection blah blah blah you are Brooke White blah blah blah. Simon: you were lacking emotion. You didn't look good together. Braden: Since when did this become American Group?? I love Brooke. Braden's rating: 7.5/10 Kerry: 6.5/10
2 David Cook:
David comes across as fake to me. Dolly has lots of compliments for him, though. David is singing "Little Sparrow". Here we go. Starts out with an awkward note that he doesn't quite hit right. I can't understand the words that he is saying. I am getting the feeling that this is a song I will like more the second time around. Wow! The audience hand-waving thing is actually synchronized. What was that awkward note at the end on his guitar? Kerry: "His hair actually looks good. I loved the song except for a few notes." Randy: hot, consistent performance. Paula: blah blah blah haircut blah blah blah. Simon: If you can make a song about Sparrows good..... Braden's rating: 6/10. Kerry: 8/10.
3 Ramiele Malubay:
Dolly has good things to say about Ramiele. She is singing "Do I Ever Cross Your Mind". Here we go. Starting off very boring-ish. What is this squatting thing that she calls dancing? She is getting better as she goes, but still seems off a little. Did she just say "another place in dime?" I'm wondering as I listen if she is off or if the backup singers are off or if in some strange alternate universe that is the way the song is supposed to go. Kerry: "When you have backup singers you have to overpower them or you are just singing along with them, and she didn't really stand out from the backup singers." Randy: Ramiele must be relieved - Randy's not mad at her. Paula: blah blah blah air punch blah blah blah. Simon: "We're not going to remember this in 10 years, are we?" Cruise ship. Ramiele: pout pout pout. Braden's rating: 5/10 Kerry: 5/10
4 Jason Castro:
"I would dread to have to do those locks." HA HA HA... Jason is singing "Travelin' Thru". Here we go. I like the beginning. Did he just say "I'm a piece of spit?" There he goes again with his P's and his H's right in the mic. Just when I was starting to like him. All-in-all a reasonable performance. Kerry: "Pretty good. It looked like he was trying harder." Randy: started rough (?!?!?!) but got better. Paula: blah blah blah please pass the vodka blah blah blah. Simon: didn't like it at all. Didn't get it. Braden's rating: 6.5/10 Kerry: 7/10.
5 Carly Smithson:
My Mommy taught me that if I don't have anything nice to say, I shouldn't say anything at all. Carly is singing "Here You Come Again". Here we go again. She kind of has a Brooke edge to her voice tonight. It is actually not that bad so far. Until she came to the fake powernote with "senses". Now we are most of the way through the song, and I'm falling asleep. Booooooring! Kerry: "I liked the verses, especially the first verse when she was calm and more quiet, but I don't like her when she tries to put power in it." Now for the judges, who for some inexplicable reason are in love with her. Randy: "one of the better performances of the night" Paula: blah blah blah beat up Randy blah blah blah. Simon: Good, not great. Have a word with whoever is dressing you. Braden: THANK YOU SIMON!!!!!!! Kerry: That needed to be said. Then comes the team-up-on-Simon moment. Simon defends himself quite nicely and Paula feels personal injury that Simon is being truthful. Braden's rating: 5/10 Kerry: 6/10.
6 David Archuleta: Based on the few notes that he sings in front of Dolly this will be a good one. Dolly: I'm wearing false eyelashes... that's not all that's false about my face." David is singing "Smoky Mountain Memories". Here we go. David starts out doing his intense stare of death into the camera. Solid performance. Kerry: "Wow, he can sing." Randy: never mind Carly, you suck. David was the best performance of the night. Paula: blah blah blah aura blah blah blah. Simon: "on the money" Braden's rating: 8/10 Kerry: 8/10.
7 Kristy Lee Cook: Let's pause for a little beauty contest... okay, that didn't take long. Kristy wins. Kristy: "screw you, Mom." She is singing "Coat of Many Colors". Here we go. She is spending more time with her eyes closed than open. Not bad, though. Pretty good, in fact. Vote for the worst keeps saying how bad she is, but when she sings like this I have to very much disagree. Once more, she is making the case for Ramiele being sent home. Kerry: "it was okay, but I don't think it did her any favors." It sounded too country. Randy: something about a wheelhouse. Paula: blah blah blah your best performance blah blah blah. Simon: last week was your best. This week was pleasant but forgetable. Braden's rating: 7/10. Kerry: 5.5/10.
8 Syesha Mercado:
Dolly: "and of course what Whitney Houston added to it" In other words, she is singing the Whitney version. Syesha is singing "I Will Always Love You". Here we go. Is she really sitting on the piano? Weird. This one is not starting so good. She has a big voice but where is it. Not she is into the meat of the song but is not taking it anywhere. Okay, now it is getting better. How long can she possibly hold that note? There is holding a note for a long time and then there is holding a note for a gratuitously long time. This was gratuitous. With such a short song, though, she needed to get into it more quickly and let us enjoy the emotion of it. Kerry: "she's got a great voice." Randy: pretty good. Paula: blah blah blah let's talk about... blah blah blah. Simon: I'm going to spend too much time comparing you to Whitney instead of just rating how you sing. Braden's rating: 7/10 Kerry: 7.5/10
9 Michael Johns:
Michael does not sound good singing to Dolly. Yeah right, Dolly is going to write songs for him. Michael is singing "It's All Wrong, But It's All Right". Here we go. It doesn't sound any better on stage than it did in the sound studio. He sounds pained singing this. I think it is sad that he is being out-performed by the guitar. I'm hurting for him with this song. Kerry: "I really liked that." Randy: blazing hot. Paula: blah blah blah you look gorgeous, have my babies blah blah blah. Simon: the best I've heard you. Braden: wow, everyone else seemed to like it. Maybe I'll enjoy it more the second go around.
Braden's rating: 5.5/10 Kerry: 8/10
So now to put those in order (average Braden and Kerry score):
David A: 8
Syesha: 7.25
Brooke: 7
David C: 7
Michael: 6.75
Jason: 6.75
Kristy Lee: 6.25
Carly: 5.5
Ramiele: 5
Finally, predictions for the bottom 3:
Braden: Ramiele, Kristy, and Carly. Ramiele goes home.
Kerry: Ramiele, Kristy, and Carly. Kristy goes home.
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