Can you imagine my great pleasure in realizing that we are now at the stage of American Idol where each contestant sings two songs, and we don't have to hear twice the Ramiele or twice the Carly? Joy, joy, joy!
So anyway, let's hear some Neil Diamond:
Starting out tonight is Jason Castro. The fact that he gets the tough number one spot and that he is (along with Brooke and Syesha) on the edge anyway, makes me think he will be going home before I even listen to any of the songs. He is going to start out tonight with "Forever in Blue Jeans". One word: uninspired. This version sounds like it could be good, and I think I may like the studio version, but I'm just not wowed by this performance. Kerry: "It was alright. He's getting kind of boring." Braden rating: 4.5/10 Kerry rating: 6/10
David Cook will sing Second. He is sitting on the potty chairs with Ryan and tries to turn the interview around at him. It doesn't work. He comes off as very cocky. He's singing "I'm Alive". He starts out and he isn't mumbling! Miracle! That said, he is trying to hard to keep up his tempo and he is kind of flat. I think he is trying to do the Neil Diamond gravelly voice and it just sounds like he is missing the notes. Wow, that felt short. Kerry: "booooooring." Braden rating: 5/10 Kerry rating: 4/10
Third is Brooke White and she is going to be playing instruments for today's songs. She is starting with "I'm a Believer". Brooke looks like she is having fun, but what's with the weird vibrato. She is not giving a powerful enough performance for this song. It seems to me like she is swallowing the end of her words. I mean, this is aaight, but I'm not blown away. Kerry: "It was just okay for me, dog." Braden rating: 5.5/10 Kerry rating: 5.5/10
Fourth is David Archuleta who is tackling "Sweet Caroline", which, along with what he will supposedly sing later are two huge ND songs. David looks like he is having fun as well. I'm on the fence with this one because this is one of my favorite Diamond songs, and he is really taking it someplace different. I'm going to have to stick with the pattern for the night and give it a great big "meh". Kerry: "I agree with my husband. He doesn't have a man-crush on Seacrest." Braden rating: 6/10 Kerry rating: 7/10
Fifth is Syesha Mercado who will serenade us with "Hello Again". Have I ever mentioned that she is really beautiful? She is really beautiful. Neil Diamond wants to give her a hug. I want to give Kerry a hug. I don't like it when they sit on the edge of the stage to sing. I don't like it when the audience does that stupid hand-wavy thing. That all said, I do like what Syesha is doing with this song. This is the Syesha that I really liked during Hollywood week: strong voice, on key, perfect pitch and able to hold notes without faltering. Kerry: "She sang it beautifully, but it isn't all that memorable" Braden rating: 8/10 Kerry rating: 7/10
Now all of the idols are coming out and the judges are going to comment on this round:
Randy: Jason was just okay, David was in the zone, Brooke was better than last week, David Archuleta was the bomb. Syesha was in the zone and strong.
Paula: Jason shows his lower register. Now she is talking about his second song, but he hasn't sung a second song yet. Uh oh. What is going on? Now Randy and Simon are shutting her up. Now she is trying to cover up by pretending that she was talking about David Cook with the second critique. Paula, darling, listen up to this friendly advice from a nurse: "lay off the narcotics before the show. Ask your doctor if Toradol is right for you."
Simon: Jason was forgetable, David was just above average, Brooke was a nightmare, David Archuleta was amateurish, Syesha was old-fashioned. Get better in round two or I will hunt you down and eat your mothers for breakfast.
And boom, just like that, we are off on round two.
Sixth is Jason singing "September Morn". Oh, how original: Jason is sitting on a stool and singing. Like he has done with every other song he has ever sung. Kerry: "do you realise that he looks like the creature from Jabba the Hut's palace who answers the door." Braden: hmm. Back to the song critique. This is another okay performance that just isn't going anywhere. Again, maybe I'll like the studio version, but I'm not feeling it. Kerry rating: "I thought it was more his style. He did better on this one than on the first one." Judges: Randy thought it was okay. Paula thought he took the same liberty on both songs. What does that mean? Simon doesn't recognize Jason. That's not a compliment. Braden rating: 5/10 Kerry rating: 6.5/10
Seventh is David C singing "All I Really Need is You". This song is quite breathy so far. I'm not digging this. I'll say it again for the 80th time tonight: maybe I'll like the studio version. Now we reach the "big" part of the song and David is reaching for the big notes and it sounds just a little pained. Meh. Kerry: "My score just kept going down and down and down. The last half of that song was horrible." Judges: Randy is a huge David Cook fan. He's also tone-deaf. Paula is proud of him. She is also drunk. Simon thinks it was brilliant. It wasn't. Braden rating: 5/10 Kerry rating: 6/10
Eighth is Brooke who is going to show us who she is and what she said... or at least she is singing "I Am... I Said". She is sitting at the piano for this song. Brooke admits she is not Simon's dream come true. Kerry is my dream come true. I'm getting dizzy with the camera circling the piano. Not starting off very strong. Once she hits the chorus, she is getting much better. She is even trying for some higher notes. This isn't a brilliant performance, but I'm not mad at her. I think I'll like the studio version. Kerry: "She was definately more Brooke-y. She did a reasonable job." Judges: Randy thought she did a nice job. Paula is drunk. Simon didn't think it was incredible but seemed to like it. Braden rating: 7/10 Kerry rating: 7/10
Ninth is David singing "America" - perhaps the best-known Neil Diamond song, which makes it somewhat of a tall order. I have doubts about how he will do with a song that needs such a strong up-tempo vocal. He's off and he is hitting it just right. He is Archuletizing it a little, but I like it. Word. Kerry: "He certainly had a good time with that. It wasn't his best performance, but I liked it." Judges: Randy thinks he is in the zone "for a young man" whatever that means. Paula wants to marry him. Simon thinks he ticked all the boxes. Braden rating: 7.5/10 Kerry rating: 7.5/10
Tenth is Syesha singing a song that I very much dislike: "Thank the Lord for the Night time". She has the backup singers right on stage with her. I don't like this song. She's doing okay with it, though. I don't like this song. I like her dress. I don't like her song choice. Sassy. Kerry: "She showed a lot of personality. I like her." Judges: Randy thinks she is realizing who she is. Paula is drunk. Simon thinks this is the strangest show ever. He says that she is a very good "actress stroke singer" I think he means "actress slash singer". He thinks that she may be in trouble. Braden rating: 7/10 Kerry rating: 7.5/10
So shall we put all of those ratings together? (average Braden and Kerry rating)
First round:
Syesha Mercado 7.5
David Archuleta 6.5
Brooke White 5.5
Jason Castro 5.25
David Cook 4.5
Second round:
David Archuleta 7.5
Syesha Mercado 7.25
Brooke White 7
Jason Castro 5.75
David Cook 5.5
All together, now:
Syesha Mercado 7.4
David Archuleta 7
Brooke White 6.25
Jason Castro 5.5
David Cook 5
So looking at the numbers. We weren't impressed tonight. In fact, out of 10 songs, I'm hard-pressed to think of more than a couple that I even want to listen to again. Nobody was terrible, but there were a whole lot of yawns throughout the show.
And now...
THE PREDICTIONS
Braden thinks the bottom two will be Brooke and Jason with Jason going home
Kerry thinks the bottom two will be Jason and Brooke with Jason going home
So anyway, let's hear some Neil Diamond:
Starting out tonight is Jason Castro. The fact that he gets the tough number one spot and that he is (along with Brooke and Syesha) on the edge anyway, makes me think he will be going home before I even listen to any of the songs. He is going to start out tonight with "Forever in Blue Jeans". One word: uninspired. This version sounds like it could be good, and I think I may like the studio version, but I'm just not wowed by this performance. Kerry: "It was alright. He's getting kind of boring." Braden rating: 4.5/10 Kerry rating: 6/10
David Cook will sing Second. He is sitting on the potty chairs with Ryan and tries to turn the interview around at him. It doesn't work. He comes off as very cocky. He's singing "I'm Alive". He starts out and he isn't mumbling! Miracle! That said, he is trying to hard to keep up his tempo and he is kind of flat. I think he is trying to do the Neil Diamond gravelly voice and it just sounds like he is missing the notes. Wow, that felt short. Kerry: "booooooring." Braden rating: 5/10 Kerry rating: 4/10
Third is Brooke White and she is going to be playing instruments for today's songs. She is starting with "I'm a Believer". Brooke looks like she is having fun, but what's with the weird vibrato. She is not giving a powerful enough performance for this song. It seems to me like she is swallowing the end of her words. I mean, this is aaight, but I'm not blown away. Kerry: "It was just okay for me, dog." Braden rating: 5.5/10 Kerry rating: 5.5/10
Fourth is David Archuleta who is tackling "Sweet Caroline", which, along with what he will supposedly sing later are two huge ND songs. David looks like he is having fun as well. I'm on the fence with this one because this is one of my favorite Diamond songs, and he is really taking it someplace different. I'm going to have to stick with the pattern for the night and give it a great big "meh". Kerry: "I agree with my husband. He doesn't have a man-crush on Seacrest." Braden rating: 6/10 Kerry rating: 7/10
Fifth is Syesha Mercado who will serenade us with "Hello Again". Have I ever mentioned that she is really beautiful? She is really beautiful. Neil Diamond wants to give her a hug. I want to give Kerry a hug. I don't like it when they sit on the edge of the stage to sing. I don't like it when the audience does that stupid hand-wavy thing. That all said, I do like what Syesha is doing with this song. This is the Syesha that I really liked during Hollywood week: strong voice, on key, perfect pitch and able to hold notes without faltering. Kerry: "She sang it beautifully, but it isn't all that memorable" Braden rating: 8/10 Kerry rating: 7/10
Now all of the idols are coming out and the judges are going to comment on this round:
Randy: Jason was just okay, David was in the zone, Brooke was better than last week, David Archuleta was the bomb. Syesha was in the zone and strong.
Paula: Jason shows his lower register. Now she is talking about his second song, but he hasn't sung a second song yet. Uh oh. What is going on? Now Randy and Simon are shutting her up. Now she is trying to cover up by pretending that she was talking about David Cook with the second critique. Paula, darling, listen up to this friendly advice from a nurse: "lay off the narcotics before the show. Ask your doctor if Toradol is right for you."
Simon: Jason was forgetable, David was just above average, Brooke was a nightmare, David Archuleta was amateurish, Syesha was old-fashioned. Get better in round two or I will hunt you down and eat your mothers for breakfast.
And boom, just like that, we are off on round two.
Sixth is Jason singing "September Morn". Oh, how original: Jason is sitting on a stool and singing. Like he has done with every other song he has ever sung. Kerry: "do you realise that he looks like the creature from Jabba the Hut's palace who answers the door." Braden: hmm. Back to the song critique. This is another okay performance that just isn't going anywhere. Again, maybe I'll like the studio version, but I'm not feeling it. Kerry rating: "I thought it was more his style. He did better on this one than on the first one." Judges: Randy thought it was okay. Paula thought he took the same liberty on both songs. What does that mean? Simon doesn't recognize Jason. That's not a compliment. Braden rating: 5/10 Kerry rating: 6.5/10
Seventh is David C singing "All I Really Need is You". This song is quite breathy so far. I'm not digging this. I'll say it again for the 80th time tonight: maybe I'll like the studio version. Now we reach the "big" part of the song and David is reaching for the big notes and it sounds just a little pained. Meh. Kerry: "My score just kept going down and down and down. The last half of that song was horrible." Judges: Randy is a huge David Cook fan. He's also tone-deaf. Paula is proud of him. She is also drunk. Simon thinks it was brilliant. It wasn't. Braden rating: 5/10 Kerry rating: 6/10
Eighth is Brooke who is going to show us who she is and what she said... or at least she is singing "I Am... I Said". She is sitting at the piano for this song. Brooke admits she is not Simon's dream come true. Kerry is my dream come true. I'm getting dizzy with the camera circling the piano. Not starting off very strong. Once she hits the chorus, she is getting much better. She is even trying for some higher notes. This isn't a brilliant performance, but I'm not mad at her. I think I'll like the studio version. Kerry: "She was definately more Brooke-y. She did a reasonable job." Judges: Randy thought she did a nice job. Paula is drunk. Simon didn't think it was incredible but seemed to like it. Braden rating: 7/10 Kerry rating: 7/10
Ninth is David singing "America" - perhaps the best-known Neil Diamond song, which makes it somewhat of a tall order. I have doubts about how he will do with a song that needs such a strong up-tempo vocal. He's off and he is hitting it just right. He is Archuletizing it a little, but I like it. Word. Kerry: "He certainly had a good time with that. It wasn't his best performance, but I liked it." Judges: Randy thinks he is in the zone "for a young man" whatever that means. Paula wants to marry him. Simon thinks he ticked all the boxes. Braden rating: 7.5/10 Kerry rating: 7.5/10
Tenth is Syesha singing a song that I very much dislike: "Thank the Lord for the Night time". She has the backup singers right on stage with her. I don't like this song. She's doing okay with it, though. I don't like this song. I like her dress. I don't like her song choice. Sassy. Kerry: "She showed a lot of personality. I like her." Judges: Randy thinks she is realizing who she is. Paula is drunk. Simon thinks this is the strangest show ever. He says that she is a very good "actress stroke singer" I think he means "actress slash singer". He thinks that she may be in trouble. Braden rating: 7/10 Kerry rating: 7.5/10
So shall we put all of those ratings together? (average Braden and Kerry rating)
First round:
Syesha Mercado 7.5
David Archuleta 6.5
Brooke White 5.5
Jason Castro 5.25
David Cook 4.5
Second round:
David Archuleta 7.5
Syesha Mercado 7.25
Brooke White 7
Jason Castro 5.75
David Cook 5.5
All together, now:
Syesha Mercado 7.4
David Archuleta 7
Brooke White 6.25
Jason Castro 5.5
David Cook 5
So looking at the numbers. We weren't impressed tonight. In fact, out of 10 songs, I'm hard-pressed to think of more than a couple that I even want to listen to again. Nobody was terrible, but there were a whole lot of yawns throughout the show.
And now...
THE PREDICTIONS
Braden thinks the bottom two will be Brooke and Jason with Jason going home
Kerry thinks the bottom two will be Jason and Brooke with Jason going home
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